(A living document: Version 1, 10 February 2025)

1.      Working Title: 

A Portrait Of The Artist: A Life Understood Backwards, So That It Can Be Lived Forwards

I aspire to be a practising professional artist.

I do not have the benefit of a formal arts education, and I do not have a clear idea as to how I wish to express myself as an artist going forward after this course.  By being on this course, I have allowed myself the time and the freedom to explore this further.

I want, and hope, to discover my artistic voice; ‘the artist’.  My understanding of an artist is a person who expresses themselves through creativity and art. So, in order to discover ‘the artist’, I need first to discover who ‘me’ the person is.  Plato agrees:      

“ I can’t as yet ‘know myself’, as the inscription at Delphi enjoins, and so long as that ignorance remains it seems ridiculous to inquire into extraneous matters…”. (Plato, Phaedrus)

How do I discover who ‘me’ is? My original intention was to carry out a retrospective analysis of my life, reflecting on the experiences which may have influenced ‘me’ and, in the process, rediscover the ‘me’ that I felt had been lost by virtue of having become a wife, a mother and a home-maker.

However, writing this study statement has made me scrutinise and examine: what am I trying to achieve, what am I trying to say, and does it make sense?  Whilst going through this process, I looked again at the quotation from Kierkegaard, which I have adulterated to fit what I had initially thought were my aims:

“It is really true what philosophy tells us that life must be understood backwards.  But with this, one forgets the second proposition, that it must be lived forwards.” (Sören Kierkegaard, Journals and Papers (1843))

Initially, I had understood it to be concerned with the benefit of hindsight, and the inability to predict the future by reference to the past. However, applying its principle to my specific line of enquiry, I now interpret it as meaning that I can only understand ‘me’ once I have engaged in a process of self-reflection, and that this exercise will only reveal a true understanding of ‘me’ at a particular point in time; it will not offer any insight into ‘me’ and, consequently, ‘the artist’ of the future, in the sense of living my life forward.  In short, understanding the self is essentially a form of practice-based research: to know ‘me’, I have to reflect on living life in the world as ‘me’. Because of this, my understanding of ‘me’ has the potential to change constantly.

I now realise that ‘me’ is, and always has been, a person in a state of flux. There has never been a singularly defined ‘me’ (except, perhaps, for the moment when I was born). I did not lose ‘me’; ’me’ has simply been altered by my lived experience. So, if I cannot discover who ‘me’ and ‘the artist’ is, what is the point of the exercise? If the best that I can ever hope to achieve is a momentary understanding, will that momentary understanding be enough to achieve my aims? I think that logically the answer has to be yes, otherwise that momentary understanding of ‘me’ would be crystallised into a self-image as to the ‘sort of person’ and ‘sort of artist’ I believe myself to be, which would ultimately stifle personal and artistic growth, which cannot be right.

So, on reflection, the reference to living life forwards in the working title is not about discovering who ‘the artist’ after this course will be, but the aspiration to be a practising artist in the future; an understanding of ‘me’ and ‘the artist’, during, and as at the end of this course, will help me to fulfil that aspiration.

2.      Aims & Objectives:

Aims:

To obtain an understanding of ‘me’ and the ‘artist’ during, and as at the completion of this course.

Objectives:

In order to achieve my aims, I will be examining my life to date by performing an autopsy of a life lived and as it is lived throughout this course.

Specifically, I intend to:

• Reflect on and analyse my sense of self in general terms.

• Reflect on and analyse my lived experience throughout this course.

• Reflect on and analyse periods in my life including my childhood, young adulthood, my career, becoming a parent, my family life, menopause and the deaths of my parents.

• Reflect on and analyse the extent to which the various roles which I have had in my life have influenced who ‘me’ is.  These will include:
  • Daughter
  • Sibling
  • Wife
  • Mother
  • Carer
  • Friend

• In each case, I will consider any relevant psychological principles, for example, self and role identity etc.

• Produce work to record and express the results of my self-reflective process and, in so doing:
  • Explore sources of inspiration in both the fields of art and literature
  • Engage in a process of experimentation in terms of both media and approach
  • Evaluate my preferred working practices
  • Establish an effective working method of practice-based research

My aims and objectives are not prescriptive.  It is likely that they will change (and I hope that they do) during the course, depending on the lines of enquiry which emerge from my practice-based research, or the resources available to me, including time.

The nature of my study has an overarching generality as well as numerous defined areas of investigation. I expect it will offer many paths of enquiry to wander down; I anticipate that there will be some paths which will not offer much in the way of potential exploration and so will be dealt with in a cursory fashion, whilst others will stimulate much more rigorous scrutiny.

3.      Context:

Context is a fundamental part of my self-exploration.

All of us will have, at some stage, pondered how we fit in with everyone else; the extent to which we share similarities and the ways in which we are different – we have sought to put ourselves ‘in context’.  

I will reflect on the extent to which my personal experiences correlate to or differ from the experiences of others by carrying out research in the form of interviews/ discussions, possibly surveys, and consideration of published texts.  I cannot be more specific at this stage as to who, what, where and how, as this will depend on which specific areas interest me and warrant in depth exploration.

I will also consider how the issues I examine have been dealt with in both contemporary and historical art.

The idea of finding ‘the self’ is nothing new: artists across the centuries have sought to determine who they are, their views on the world and their place within it.  The genre of self-portraiture is packed to the rafters with self-examinations by Rembrandt, Van Gogh, Schiele, and the list goes on.

What I hope to bring to the table, by the end of this course, is ‘me’ as a person and, more importantly, as ’the artist’.  Whilst I may be dealing with subjects which have already been considered by artists, I will be applying my own unique point of view and experiences.

As my journey throughout this course will be guided by practice-based research, it is difficult at this stage to determine which particular artists I will want  to consider in any detail.  There are artists who immediately come to mind when thinking about the more general concept of self-identity such as Gillian Wearing, Cathy Sherman and Frida Kahlo. There are others such as Käthe Kollwitz, Louise Bourgeois, Chantal Joffe and Marlene Dumas whose work explores the more specific issue of mothers and the lived experience of motherhood.

At present I cannot make any observations on the context of my work in terms of the way I work as an artist or the media that I use because this is an integral part of my practice-based research.  I do not want any preconceptions to influence my approach and decision-making.  I will consider artists who are relevant to the medium I am working in, within the process itself.   

4.      Methodology:

Blog:

Practice-based research into ‘Me’:

I will maintain a blog recording my reflections and analysis of my life that has been lived, and my life throughout the course as it is being lived, including events that happen to me, my thoughts and views.

Practice-based research into ‘the Artist’:

I will also use the blog to record my work processes, my explorations with different media, the thought processes behind the production of work and my reflections on the questions set out below under Media & Work Processes.

The blog is a crucial part of the process, and I will maintain it regularly, ensuring that the posts are categorised and tagged correctly, and that the tag cloud is regularly updated.  

Media & Work Processes:

I intend to research and carry out experimentation in relation to various types of media. I will consider using the following processes in my work:

• Drawing – graphite, charcoal, ink, pastels (soft and oil), digital

• Painting – oil, watercolour, ink, digital

• Printmaking – linocuts, monotypes, collagraphs, lithography (kitchen & paper), dry point, solar plates, screen-printing

• Collage – physical and digital

• Photography & video-making – eg cyanotypes, solar graphs

• Sculpture

I will use my thoughts, memories, objects and photographs to inspire my work.

Whilst exploring and making I will ask myself:

What was the best thing I did? Why was this the best thing I did? How do I know that this was the best thing I did? What am I going to do next in response?

What worked least well for me? Why did this not work well for me? What have I learned about the topic concerned from this not having worked well for me? What have I learned about myself from this not having worked well for me? What do I plan to do differently in future as a result of my answers to the above questions?

With hindsight, how would I go about this activity differently if doing it again from scratch? To what extent will this activity influence the way I tackle anything similar in future?

What did I find the greatest challenge in doing this work? Why was this a challenge to me? To what extent do I feel I have met this challenge? What can I do to improve my performance when next meeting this particular sort of challenge?

What was the most boring or tedious part of doing this particular task for me? Can I see the point of doing these things? If not, how could the activity be changed to be more stimulating and interesting for me?

(Source: Reflective Questions www.fineartdigital.wordpress.com)

I intend to work on several pieces of work at the same time to ensure that I do not become too involved with one piece. I may also consider only working on them for short periods of time, to allow myself the space to be able to reflect on the process.

I will also engage in a process of delayed reflection: reviewing work after enough time has passed so that I see it with fresh eyes, and can reassess its potential to be developed further.

Exhibitions and Education:

I will immerse myself in collecting ideas, inspiration and knowledge. 

To do this I will:

• visit exhibitions and galleries with a particular emphasis on artists who are still living, as this is an area in which my current knowledge is lacking

• read a diverse range of texts including books, websites, blogs, as well as articles and papers in the UAL online library

• watch films and documentaries.

• listen to radio programmes, audiobooks and podcasts

I do not have very much experience in working with some of the media I have identified above in Media & Work Processes, and so I will educate myself further by research and attending workshops where appropriate.

I will continue to attend my weekly oil painting classes.

5.      Outcomes:

By following the provisions of this study statement, on completion of this course I will have:

• A blog detailing my working processes, my thoughts and reflections on my lived experience both in the past and during this course

• A body of work reflecting the contents of the blog

• An established working practice

I will have developed an understanding of ‘me’ and ‘the artist’ which will facilitate my aspiration to become a practising professional artist. I will have effectively created a ‘self-portrait’ as evidenced and embodied in the blog, and in the physical work which I will have produced. The tag cloud in the blog will be an invaluable tool in this respect as it will provide an overview of those aspects which have been of most interest and importance to me during my research.

The depth of understanding that I achieve will depend on the extent to which I have been able to deal with each of the aspects referred to in Objectives above. In this respect, I fully anticipate that this is a project which will continue far beyond the completion of this course: it will have instilled in me the habit of engaging in self-reflection as an essential part of my artistic practice so that I continue to be aware of who I am as a person and as an artist at any point in time.

6.      Work Plan:

I want to avoid devising a detailed work plan setting defined dates far into the future by which I should have achieved specific tasks because I want to retain the flexibility to focus on those areas which either interest me at the time, or that I feel I have the emotional capacity to deal with.  I cannot legislate now for the choices which I will make along the way. However, I recognise that I do need a framework, one which gives me enough structure within which to function, but which does not impose restrictions on me.

My primary focus will be to find a rhythm of working which best suits me and my life at present.  I will do this by planning a week at a time, breaking each week down into day specific tasks working around any commitments which I have.  Before planning each week, I will review the extent to which I have achieved the tasks which I had hoped to achieve in the previous week, and reflect on the reasons as to why I may not have met them, or the reasons why I may have been able to overachieve.  This weekly exercise of self-accountability will be documented on my blog, and it makes sense to do this on Tuesday mornings, before our weekly session, which naturally creates a weekly cycle.

I propose to divide my time equally between maintaining my blog, producing work whilst exploring lines of enquiry, and contextual research. I aim to spend on average at least four and a half hours a day and, in this respect, I intend to keep a record of how much time I spend on each activity so that I can make sure that I devote equal time to each element. However, I appreciate that there may be weeks when I spend more time on one element, and so I will make allowances for this in future weeks.

I will try to create a daily routine which will start with spending time engaged in warm up exercises, such as automatic drawing, continuous line drawing, collaging etc, designed to reinforce the idea that the result does not matter and that it is about the process, thereby freeing myself from the need for perfection. I will then start to work on whatever tasks I have allocated for that day.

I have identified 14 ‘topics’ to be explored; some of them will overlap e.g. becoming a parent and my role as a mother. However, for now I have treated them as disparate topics and have allocated 3 weeks per topic. I have also allowed for some work to be carried out during the holidays. I have left the order in which I will deal with each topic unspecified, but I anticipate dealing with them chronologically where possible.

I will review this plan on a regular basis to assess whether it is a sustainable way of working, as well as my overall progress by referring back to this statement, and re-evaluating my intentions.

7.      Bibliography:

The following are resources which I have either referenced already in my blog, or have identified so far as being relevant to the issues which I will be considering.  It is not exhaustive, and will change as the course progresses.

General:

My primary resource will be me – my memories and reflective thoughts. I will speak to, and gather information from others (as yet to be determined) as part of my contextual research.

Books:

 Fitz-Gerald, N. (2024) Digital Collage with Procreate San Rafael: Rocky Nook Inc

Moore, A. (2018) The Collage Ideas Book London: Octopus Publishing Group

Yeates, S. (2011) Learning Linocut – A Comprehensive Guide to the Art if Relief Printing through Linocut Authors Online Limited

Martin, J. (2018) The Encyclopedia of Printmaking Techniques 2nd Edition UK: Search Press Limited

Westley, A. (2001) Relief Printmaking London: A & C Black (Publishers) Limited

Boucher, A. (2021) Drawing with Charcoal Marlborough: The Crowood Press Ltd

Edward’s, B. (2008) Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain 3rd Edition London: Harper Collins

Judah, H. (2024) Acts of Creation – on art and motherhood London: Thames & Hudson Limited

Loske, A. (2024) The Artist’s Palette London: Thames & Hudson Limited

Berger, J. (1972) Ways of Seeing London: Penguin Books Limited

Gompertz, W. (2015) Think Like an Artist and Lead a More Creative, Productive Life Penguin Random House UK

Hodge, S. (2012) Why Your Five Year Old Could Not Have Done That London: Thames & Hudson Limited

Glaser, E. (2021) Motherhood A Manifesto London: Harper Collins

Agarwal, P. (2022) (M)otherhood – On the choices of being a woman London: Cannongate Books Limited

Levy, D. (2018) The Cost of Living Penguin Random House UK

Aciman, A. (2024) The Gentleman from Peru London: Faber & Faber

Mellors, C. (2024) Blue Sisters London: Harper Collins

Websites & Blogs

To be considered in further detail, topic by topic.

Exhibitions & Galleries

Michael Craig-Martin, The Royal Academy of Arts, London, 28 November 2024

The National Portrait Gallery, London, 28 November 2024

Vincent Van Gogh Poets & Lovers, The National Gallery, London, 9 December 2024

The Leopold, Vienna, December 2024

The Belvedere, Vienna, December 2024

The Secession, Vienna, December 2024

Dora Carrington: Beyond Bloomsbury, Pallant House Gallery, Chichester, 25 January 2025

Hélène de Beauvoir Woman Destroyed, Amar Gallery, London 24 January 2025 to 2 March 2025

New Contemporaries, ICA, London, 15 January 20025 to 23 March 2025

Nick McMillen ‘Beneath the Canopy’, Gilbert White’s House, Selborne, 11 February 2025 to ends 30 March 2025

Arthur Neal, Athelhampton House, Dorset, 30 March 2025 to 14 June 2025

’Brasil! Brasil! The Birth of Modernism’ The Royal Academy, London 28 January 2025 to 21 April 2025

Linder, Hayward Gallery, London, 11 February 2025 to 5 May 2025

Noah Davis, The Barbican, London, 6 January 2025 to 11 May 2025

Donald Rodney – ‘Visceral Canker’, Whitechapel Gallery, 12 February 2025 to 4 May 2025

Do Ho Suh, ‘The Genesis Exhibition’, Tate Modern, London, 1 May 2025 to 19 October 2025

Encounter: Giacometti, The Barbican, London 8 May 2025 to 1 May 2026)

Anselm Keifer, The Ashmolean, Oxford,14 May 2025 to 15 June 2025

Ed Atkins, The Tate Britain, London, 2 April 2025 to 25 August 2025

Edward Burra & Ithell Colquhoun, Tate Britain, 13 June 2025 to 19 October 2025

Abstract Erotic: Louise Bourgeois, Eva Hesse and Alice Adams, The Courtauld, London 20 June 2025 to 14 September 2025

Louise Bourgeois: Drawings from the 1960s, The Courtauld, London, 20 June 2025 to 14 September 2025

With Graphic Intent, The Courtauld, London, 1 March 2025 to 22 June 2025

Jenny Saville The Anatomy of Painting, The National Portrait Gallery, London, 20 June 2025 to 7 September 2025

Anselm Keifer & Van Gogh, The Royal Academy, London, 28 June 2025 to 26 October 2025

Grayson Perry – Delusions of Grandeur, The Wallace Collection, London 28 March 2025 to 26 October 2025

Collecting Modernism: Picasso to Winifred Nicholson, Charleston House, Lewes, 25 September 2025 to 9 March 2026

Grayson Perry A Temple for Everyone, Charleston House, Lewes, 25 September 2025 to 9 March 2026

Lee Miller, Tate Britain, London, 2 October 2025 to 15 February 2026

Peter Doig: House of Music, Serpentine South, London, from 3 October 2025

Gilbert & George: 21st  Century Pictures, Hayward Gallery, London, 7 October 2025 to 4 January 2026

Self Made – Reshaping Identities, The Foundling Museum, London, 15 November 2025 to 1 June 2026

Light & Magic: The Birth of Art Photography, Tate Modern, London, 4 December 2025 to 25 May 2026

Articles & Papers

To be considered in further detail, topic by topic.

TV Programmes and Films

Miriam Margolyes: Up For Grabs (2022) Available at BBC iPlayer (Accessed: 8 October 2024)

Mad Tracey From Margate, Sky Arts

Carrington (1995) Directed by C. Hampton. Available at Prime Video (Accessed: 25 January 2025)

Sunday with Laura Kuenssberg, (2025) BBC One Television, 26 January 09.00

Leonardo da Vinci, (2024), Available at BBCiPlayer

Andy Warhol’s America, (2022), Available at BBC iPlayer

Alice Neel, Dr Jekyll and Mrs Hyde (2017) Available at BBC iPlayer

Bridget Riley, Painting the Line (2021) Available at BBC iPlayer

Barbara Hepworth, 1961 Available at BBC iPlayer

Francis Bacon, Fragments of a Portrait (1966) Available at BBC iPlayer

Making Their Mark – Six Artists on Drawing (1990) Available at BBC iPlayer

Tish, (2024) Available at BBC iPlayer

What Do Artsist Do All Day? (2014) Available at BBC iPlayer

The Zaks Affair – Anatomy of a Fake Collection (2024), Available at BBC iPlayer

Marcel Duchamp, The Art of the Possible (2019) Sky Arts

Eric Ravilious ‘Drawn to War’ (2022) Sky Arts

Anish Kapoor Imagine, Sky Arts

The Lost Photographs of Mary Alice Young (2023) Available at BBC iPlayer

Audiobooks, Podcasts & Radio

’Living With Artificial Intelligence’, Stuart Russell, The Reith Lectures, BBC Radio 4

The Way I See It Alistair Sooke, BBC Radio 4

Workshops/ Courses:

Negative Space, Chris Koning, online UAL, 1 November 2024

Multiple Block Linocut, Lisa Takahashi, Wessex Sculptors, Bramdean, Hampshire, 2 & 3 November 2024

Light & Shadow, Chris Koning, online UAL, 22 November 2024

Perception of the Whole, Chris Koning, online UAL, 6 December 2024

Perception of the Edges, Chris Koning, online UAL 18 February 2025

Visual Research ( Online), Madeline Hook, online UAL 27 February 2025

Perception of Relationships, Chris Koning, online UAL 4 March 2025