Our House

Is on a bend on a narrow country road full of potholes, and sharp flints which are paddled onto it by tractors from nearby fields.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve come home to find a car parked lopsidedly outside the house and strangers drinking tea in our kitchen waiting for a breakdown vehicle. We’ve had a few road accidents as well, the last one being on 27 May 2020. A motorcyclist was swiped off his bike by a trailer which had swerved onto his side of the road whilst navigating the bend. The Hampshire Air Ambulance landed in the field next to our house.

The driver of the vehicle towing the trailer carried on, but later saw the error of his ways and went to a police station. He was prosecuted. Specialist police officers came to the scene to reconstruct who did what, at what speed etc, and to take photographic evidence. Four years later, I was contacted by a lawyer acting for the motorcyclist who was now suing the driver as he had sustained life changing injuries. Would I be prepared to provide them with a witness statement as to what I saw and heard on the day in question?

Well, I have difficulty remembering what I did last week, let alone what I heard and saw in the fleeting moment they both passed the house four years before. Of course, I said yes, and yes, I understood that I might be required to attend court and give evidence. What I found really difficult was trying to remember what I actually saw and heard myself as opposed to what extra information and thoughts I had accumulated from discussing it with my husband and daughter after the event.

In her book The Memory Illusion, Julia Shaw refers to this as source confusion i.e. misattributing information to our own memory or experience. She specifically talks about it in conjunction with confabulation (in which the event being remembered never actually took place) in the context of early childhood memories. It’s led to me querying my husband’s firm recollection of sitting on his grandmother’s knee with his Dinky car when he was three. Is he sure that he hasn’t seen a photo or been told a story as he was growing up? No, he’s certain it’s a memory. Apparently, the average age for a child to form a memory capable of being recalled in adulthood is 3.5 years, although the range can be anywhere between 2 and 5 years. I am struggling to find my first memory.

I’ve often thought that I would be a really bad witness. I don’t understand how that can be, because as artists, aren’t we supposed to be highly observant? Mind you I was never very good at the observation round in The Krypton Factor. Or do we just observe different things? I’m generally good at spotting when something is different, which probably means that my memory of how something was before is perhaps subconscious and is only triggered when I sense a difference. Who knows? All I know is that I can remember my 16 digit credit card number with no problem at all, which was handy when I went out on Saturday morning and accidentally left both of my bank cards at home, and had to set up Apple Pay manually so that I could put some petrol in the car to get home again.

Anyway, I have recently received an email from the lawyer informing me that the case has settled and that I will no longer be needed at trial. Result!

Back To Life, Back To Reality

It’s been a blast of a week, with the Interim Show and then the Low Residency. Spending time with like-minded people in an environment of creativity, away from the humdrum of everyday life. And now I’m home, and struggling to get back into the swing of things. I haven’t posted on here for almost a fortnight, which is unusual for me. There is so much to think about and process. I’m not sure where to begin.

In the meantime, I’ve been trying to get on with tasks which don’t require much thought. Today I took the dogs for a walk in some woods which I haven’t been to for a while. It’s predominantly a beech wood. I love beech trees, even when they are leafless. It won’t be long until the bluebells are out and most of the floor of the wood is carpeted in blue, or is it purple? In the meantime, the primroses make me smile. A gentle reminder that time is passing. Maybe my motivation will return tomorrow…

Marking

We had a friend to stay at the weekend, so we took her to Jane Austen’s House which is less than half an hour away from where we live. It’s the 250th anniversary of her birth this year, and so there are lots of Austen celebrations happening to mark the occasion. She, together with her sister, Cassandra, and her mother lived in the village of Chawton, in one of the houses on the Chawton Estate, which was owned by one of her six brothers as his country residence. He had been adopted by a wealthy couple who were very distant relations, and who didn’t have a male heir.

My husband, who had been a bit reluctant to go as he hadn’t read any Austen and thought her writing a bit girlie, enjoyed himself. She’s far from girlie, I told him: she had an ascerbic wit and was a keen observer of human nature. I picked up a fancy edition of ‘Pride & Prejudice’ in the obligatory gift shop, and told him to read the first few lines; he laughed, I laughed, Alexa laughed, Siri laughed.

I discovered two interesting facts. Firstly, that many wealthy families were heirless, and so hunted around on the peripheries of their family trees for a suitable candidate who would inherit, but on the condition that he changed his family name to that of the bequeathing couple. Sometimes there were no suitable candidates and a daughter would inherit as in the case of Elizabeth Knight who inherited her parents’ estate at Chawton and Godmersham in Kent in 1702. Because of the size of her estates she had a raft of voting rights in Parliament, but was unable to exercise them, because she was a woman. A formidable woman at that, and thought to be the inspiration for Lady Catherine de Bourgh in Pride & Prejudice.

The second fact was that markings were often made next to vulnerable areas of a house, where evil spirits could enter e.g. doorways, chimneys, windows etc. They were called witches’ marks and ranged from daisy wheels to the letters V and M, possibly signifying the Virgin Mary. There was one such mark by a fireplace at Chawton.

Talking to Cat in yesterday’s session about her recent performance, and the drawing of a pentagram, reminded me of the rich tradition of mark-making as a form of protection.

A Brainstorm In A Coffee Cup

I’ve been thinking about my discussion with Jonathan; about the ideas I have, and his advice that I should record them in this blog to remind me of them in the future. I find it easier to scroll quickly through the blog than sift through bits of paper, or flick through sketchbooks trying to find them.

I had an unexpected opportunity to start the process this morning. One of the good things about getting older is that you start being called in for regular tests and health reviews. I’m in the process of one such MOT – I have had my bloods done; liver function OK I noted from my NHS app (which seems to be filling up with more and more of my records everyday) and Type II Diabetes is still a way away so that’s good news for both my gin collection and my stash of chocolate. Cholesterol is a bit on the high side, but then it always has been – it’s all that good cholesterol, or so I keep telling myself – but there’s no getting away from the fact that women of my age are at an increased risk of heart attack. I’m starting to think that I’m a hypochondriac who is obsessed with death, but really I think that I have quite a positive outlook on life.

Anyway, for some reason I got a message on my phone yesterday notifying me of an appointment this morning for an ECG. Maybe it was a follow up to my cholesterol levels? They don’t even phone you nowadays I thought to myself – imagine if I hadn’t seen the notification? Anyway, long story short, when I arrived at the surgery after having rushed because I thought that I would be late, heart pumping a bit too quickly just before an ECG I thought to myself, it turns out that it was an admin error and it had been meant for someone else. I was out of bed now, so I might as well go and have a quiet stimulating coffee before heading back home.

So I did, and I did some thinking, made some notes and made a quick mind scribble when I got back home. It feels a bit like just having put the children to bed – I know where they are, and they’re safe.

Come And Have A Look At This

Said my husband as I was trying to cook dinner this evening. With a sigh I carried the onion I was about to peel into his office, where he told me to sit down, because I was going to like this.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/videos/c1dg9zr0xelo

Give him his due, Hockney is not one to rest on his laurels, and a generous soul to boot, sharing his process. Do I have to make dinner? I’d rather have a go on Procreate now…