Thoughts | Kate McCalmont-Woods

Well, it’s Sunday. I can’t believe how quickly the days have gone by. Thoughts inevitably turn to the week ahead, in particular, our next session on Tuesday when I will ask myself: What have I done this last week and what am I planning to do this coming week? Last week I planned to de-clutter: my mind, by dealing with lots of loose ends which are getting in the way of committing time and headspace to creative endeavours and, physically, by sorting out the physical space in which I hope to pursue them. How have I done? Not particularly well in all honesty – I have made some progress in trying to bring ongoing commitments to an end, but I have made absolutely no progress in creating my physical space. Also, in all fairness, I lost a couple of days to illness.

I suspect that there is an element of self-sabotage at play: making the act of actually engaging in the art making process dependent on having achieved something else first. I need to change this – this week I will start the process even if it means doing it on the kitchen table!

On a positive, I have posted twice on my blog, which hopefully means that I’m now feeling much more comfortable with the idea of self-reflection and the act of making it public. I have also done a lot of thinking: that counts, right? A bit like crossed fingers and vampires? Does fingers work? (Credit: the sublimely brilliant Eddie Izzard).

During our second session half of the group gave short individual presentations about themselves and their work. It was fascinating to learn how they have come to be here and their inspirations. We then went on to consider how we are feeling at the beginning of the course and the idea of vulnerability was a recurring emotion.

This is something that I have been thinking about a lot recently: to expose one’s vulnerabilities takes courage. It reminded me of an interview I watched between between Alan Yentob and the actress, Miriam Margolyes, in his ‘Imagine…’ series for the BBC which was made shortly after she had published her autobiography.

ALAN:”Have you hidden anything in this book? Are there things that you haven’t spoken of?

MIRIAM: “I didn’t mention something that I should have mentioned and that was that I hit my mother when she was paralysed. Anyone who has been a carer will know how frustrating and difficult it is and I let that happen and I’m deeply ashamed of it. But the thing that really gets to me is that my mother forgave me. I hit her when she was paralysed and she forgave me.”

I remember thinking how tremendously brave she was to admit to an act which most of society would view as anathema. I was shocked by it; it was a stark statement made without context or explanation and without looking for sympathy.

They say that before you judge a person you should walk a mile in their shoes; two years later I was caring for my terminally ill mother and if I had watched that interview then, it would have spoken to me and I would have been more understanding.

So, I need to have the courage to embrace vulnerability because there’s just a chance that someone else might be feeling the same way.